Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
