I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
