you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
