so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
