Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
