Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
