dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
