At least make sure they are 18
Why
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
