Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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