Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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