my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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