In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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