I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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