girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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