Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
