There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
