It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
