I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
