i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
