The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
