We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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