The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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