I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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