I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
