proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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