my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
