Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He's a Shit stain on my heart
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
