Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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