umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We need to rekindle our bromance
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
