how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
