Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
