I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
