dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
