There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
