Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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