i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
