Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
