4 words: hood of his car
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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