I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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