I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
