it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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