you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
