mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
