how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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