I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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