Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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