she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
