If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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