how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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