I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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