Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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